I have been busy with some personal life things while also having a lot going on with work and I realized I haven’t put as much time into this endeavor as I would have liked. I was thinking about what to write about the week that I first came back, and I was starting to go through topics when it hit me. I think something that happens to many of us in the Software Engineering field, is we are always trying to be better, grow, and do everything. This is a hallmark of many of the engineers that I know and I realized something when thinking back on why I haven’t spent as much time outside of work doing the project I started on and why I wasn’t. I have spent all my spoons, social currency, whatever you want to call it, at work, and left nothing for me.
This is something that I know I’ve seen lots of posts and articles written about this topic. This is something that I’ve just done some reflecting on and wanted to add my voice as a gentle reminder, don’t be like me and spend everything at work, leave some of that for yourself and your family, because the truth of the matter is, your employer will gladly take what they can get until you tell them no. There are very few employers that will ever tell you that you are spending too much time and energy on your work life, it is something that we all have to learn where that line is and learn to establish and hold that boundary.
I’ve been trying to figure out how to find a new equilibrium, and know this is the first step in that practice. Reflecting on where things are at, and how I got here is the first step. Something else that I am finding useful is to find those people who can remind you to draw and keep those boundaries, using the different options that work for you and your relationship with others. I am developing my network of people that will help me and hold me honest about where I am spending energy so I have room for myself and to spend time with others, so we can do things that inspire us and have fun.
In doing the reflection, that is also where I am starting to think about how to develop the network for social interactions, but also how to do the things that fill the cup and provide value in my personal life. I have been thinking about how hard it is to find community because that is something that is very important to me. I need and want the small group interaction of people who are motivated, but also like to have fun and geek out on the most random of things and have real interactions, interactions not placated with the sometimes fake “I’m doing okay”, but where instead I can say I am not okay, here is why. That community is important, as they can help you take care of yourself better.
That’s where my solution to what feels like a lack of community at times, is to create the spaces that I am struggling to find. I have reached a point where I am realizing, I don’t have to wait for someone else to start something if it doesn’t exist. If you know people who are looking for that community, then take a chance and get started. The thing I am learning is if you start something, and it doesn’t work, you at least tried to do something. If it does work, you might be able to help yourself, provide something fulfilling for you, and provide something for others.
In doing this reflection, I know what I need to do to start correcting the course again, and that’s why I am appreciating the fact that I take the time occasionally to step back. Knowing that I can change and grow in establishing boundaries and reserving some of my social currency for myself, I can then do the things that I want to do that will pay back by refilling the reserves. Don’t be afraid to reach out to those who have your back, and don’t be afraid to say “no” the next time you think about putting in the extra hour to do a stretch assignment that doesn’t need to be done today.